Comments on: 7 Things To Do When Escaping Church Abuse

By: Susan Dumbill

Susan Dumbill — Mon, 30 Oct 2023 03:19:55 +0000

I’m still working through this, and it’s so difficult because there are so few christians I can talk to directly. I’ve been searching online for some time, and some kind souls have sent me encouragement in their response. It’s so sad, though, that you can tell people on the church where abuse happened, and they just say and do nothing. The pastor knows how to discredit you, and out others off associating with you. It’s a real challenge. I’ve spent many a night up, agonising over this. I’ve delivered a letter of rebuke to one pastor, but he’s just run, and now his people don’t seem to want to associate with me. All so wrong and unjust. I doubt he’ll apologize. I’ve talked to the police about this, and now stay well away from him, his wife and family, and the church he is still involved with. I wonder – some of us may never get justice this side of heaven, and no apologies. I know these people don’t care about me; they practically worship this bloke, think he’s “wonderful” etc. But to me he’s just a sleazy creep. A sexual predator. I have had to cut off contact with so many people. They won’t support me in any way, and I feel so alone. Same old pattern; people choose, deliberately, to neglect the victim, and protect the perpetrator. But God’s judgement is not sleeping…

By: Susan Dumbill

Susan Dumbill — Mon, 30 Oct 2023 03:09:13 +0000

In reply to Yuri.

Hi Yuri, you’re right. Some of us who have no one to go to christian-wise really struggle. May I suggest you search online re Surviving Spiritual Abuse or Pastoral Abuse? Maybe look at Dr Diane Langberg’s online videos? She’s a christian psychologist who openly talks about the effects of spiritual abuse. Others too.
Re the pastor telling your wife you wouldn’t be welcome in another church – that is an evil, diabolical lie, a cheap trick to try to control you both. They’ll try threatening anything to try to get you back, because control is what they want. Please believe me – God has far better for you both than the likes of him! Ezekiel 34 talks about irresponsible ‘shepherds’, how God feels about this – and that He will judge them. Likewise Jeremiah 23 re false prophets. These people are treading a very fine line. God’s judgement will come upon them if they don’t repent. I really hope things work out for you and your wife. God bless you both.

By: Yuri

Yuri — Wed, 15 Dec 2021 02:57:15 +0000

You clearly have a lot of support, which is great. People see this support as essential to healing and moving forward.

Sadly there are those of us without any support. No wise Christians to lean on. Can we ever heal, or is ours a lost cause?

What are we to do when the pastor has cut us off from the congregation? When people won’t even reciprocate when you say “hi” because they fear they will lose favour in the pastor’s eyes. When the shame of allowing the abuse to continue for years and the fear that people will find out (and the fear that you probably even deserve it) prevents you from going to another church.

The pastor told my wife we would never be welcome in any church other than his, what if he was right. What if I am so broken and unworthy that the best I can hope for in church is to be abused by the pastor.

I feel God is distant and I desperately want to be near Him again, yet I am not welcome in churches. Hopefully God can someday forgive me.

By: Cheryl F

Cheryl F — Sun, 24 Oct 2021 04:08:44 +0000

I cannot begin to imagine just how hard it must have been to write this article. Thank you for your courage and hard-won wise advice. I am sure it will be a blessing and a much-needed boost to those who have too many people in their Christian circles who are offering negative or ill-informed responses. It also gives those of us who want to give support a path to follow.

By: Michael Frost

Michael Frost — Wed, 06 Oct 2021 02:41:58 +0000

In reply to Michael Coleopy. Thank you for sharing some of your story. Yes, you're right, it's also pastors who can be the objects of church abuse.

By: Alex

Alex — Sat, 02 Oct 2021 04:50:55 +0000

Please God, show your ultimate justice and love and mercy that you claim to have shown…may broken hearts find these things…

By: Michael Coleopy

Michael Coleopy — Sat, 02 Oct 2021 02:14:01 +0000

This is not just something that happens to members of a congregation but to church pastors . As a pastor in a large church I was abused (harassed, falsely accused, belittled, and isolated) by my senior pastor. I eventually left what I now realize was more like a cult then a loving church community. I was fortunate to be able to continue in ministry in another denomination.
Not only myself but other pastors on that team also left the church damaged and burnt out. Some no longer attend a church.
Fortunately I am now part of a caring church community with a loving pastor which has helped bring healing to myself and my wife.

By: Lee

Lee — Tue, 28 Sep 2021 07:04:15 +0000

Thank you for being brave enough to share. I wish I could believe there is healing on this earth, but I no longer do. I wish I could trust God again, but how can I when He sent me there for counselling and healing, only to be expertly manipulated and have those very hurts used against me in the same way as I was suppossed to be finding healing from. Why does God let them get away with it over and over again if He’s suppossed to be the good God I once thought, why doesn’t He do something to remove them. I am glad you have been able to move on and find your healing. Blessings.

By: Vivien

Vivien — Tue, 28 Sep 2021 04:53:19 +0000

To this brave woman
Thank you for your courage and strength in sharing your story so far. It is humbling to hear ways we all can be a good support of those experience such evil.

Look after yourself.