I’ve read and listened to quite a few folks discuss deconstruction over the past couple years, but your thoughts here are original and very helpful, Mike. Honestly, quite timely for me and my own journey with Jesus and my marriage.

I really like some of your wondering queries at the end. Yes, what if we pursued a discipleship frame that focused on resiliency rather than emotivism? One that also recognizes the whole brain and whole person (heart, soul, mind, strength) and not just emotional experience or rational agreement to doctrinal statements?

Thanks for this, I’m in the sand boat, and it definitely seems for Christians nothing can ever be a good reason to deconstruct your faith. If your belief was emotionally damaging and preventing you from growing as a person then you left because your faith wasn’t built in good reasons, or you didn’t trust enough. If you left because you looked at the facts and evaluated your epistemology then you left because you didn’t leave enough on your faith and trust God. If you left because you found faith and hope in another religion then you left because you were led astray by the evil alternatives of the world that promise a false hope.

I get why this happens, it is one of the many ways the Christian faith is set up to be unfalsifiable, and if they admitted people can leave for good reasons that might imply THEY could leave too, and generally Christians don’t want to face that thought. That’s just another problem with how Christianity is structured and taught though, in my opinion.

Yes, this. Definitions matter, and this post does a good job dismantling the inaccurate use of the word love. The popular evangelical conception of love is problematic, so the solution is to teach love properly. An excellent resource, though academic, is Faithful Feelings by Matthew Eliot. Imho, when we have an appropriate view of emotion, we can also accurately understand love, and teach love in ways that do not fall into the trap this post has highlighted.
Thanks for a stimulating original post and a very thoughtful follow-up comment.

I don’t agree with your assessment when you propose that deconstruction of the Christian faith is equivalent to the “falling out of love phase” of a romantic partner.

I had a period where I was madly in love with Jesus and devoted to Him.

Then I fell out of love with Jesus, but still loved Him and wanted to obey Him for many years.

Recently, I deconstructed, and it IS very different. Literally, I am unconvinced that I have every truly heard from God, or that He even exists at all.

I am unable to bring myself to love Jesus, as I don’t even perceive Him as being any more than a historical figure turned to legend at best.

It is possible that I may never be a Christian again, until at least there is first presented adequate evidence.

It is unhelpful to over simplify and rationalize the notion of deconstruction simply to put other church goers minds at ease.

Mark my words… deconstruction can and often does mean the complete abandonment of faith. It’s best to be honest about that.

Thanks for listening.

“By their fruit you shall know them.”
Those “Men of God” you mention are, so far as we can tell in our limited understanding, *not* men of God.
They are & were, mostly likely, wolves in sheep’s clothing. And sheep have protected & defended them.
Sheep are not smart, this is why we need a Shepherd.
About heaven & hell, you might like The Great Divorce by: C.S. Lewis.
Also sermons by George MacDonald, who influenced him.
There’s a wonderful post on Tor com, titled Choosing Hell: C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce, and Human Freedom

I think part of the problem, as Mike points out, is in many Christian circles, there is less focus on good theology, on thinking about and examining the deep logic of God, & focusing instead on feeling & emotion.
People simply aren’t being taught how to think & examine their basic assumptions & if they make sense. Books like Mere Christianity, Orthadoxy by G.K. Chesterton, & She Who Is by Elizabeth Johnson have taught me otherwise.
God is logical. Without God, nothing is logical.

Love does change. Is what I meant to say.

John Donne’s poetry is also good & a lot like Songs of Solomon.