If “she knew that if I knew the truth, I would never have married her”, then that only indicts you as being unfit to be a husband. When you found out that she was more sexually experienced you than you, you felt diminished, you saw her as being superior to you now, which only exposes you again.

well…. i asked my childhood sweetheart to marry me, and she always been adamant about waiting for marriage. it was a price i was willing to pay, so imagine my suprise that after 14 years together (since age 3.our parents thought it was cute) she turned up pregnant 4 months before the wedding. her parents through a big announcement party 100+ people. she’d let them think whatever and never told me i’d had to wait. so i got to find out with an audiance.

The last 20 years have been pure hell in terms of dating and trying to remain possitive and confident under the onslaught of hatred and humiliation. some by men, but mostly by women. they have zero sympathy for the situation. none. i’ve had my nose broken with a plate in olive garden when one gf found out. another screamed “i haven’t got time to teach a boy to f***!”. Been made to eat the thanksgiving dinner that is just purchased, cooked, and delivered to a family that didn’t have any (i was alone also) out in the rain because one of the teen girls didn’t feel comfortable with “someone like me” around…. and 100 other stories. I’ve also killed myaelf twice.

Both times my well-laid plans got screwed up by people being where they should not have been. And both knowing CPR enough and getting there soon enough that I didn’t suffer brain damage for their “heroic” actions. being a nationally ranked winner for many years allows for less oxygen to be necessary.

No, aim not weird. Though I do have panic attack that have begun if air see a pretty girl, a family, couple holding hands, that kinda thing. like a physically painful athsma attack or somthing. and it will drop my to my knees. It’s the same feeling you get when your wife tells you your d*** is too small so she’s been f****** the neighbor and your kids aren’t really yours. arhat first 10 seconds every time.

i’m also not ugly, poor, racist, entitled, or man spirited. What I am, is something worse than AIDS (there’s a pill now for that) , i’m a virgin. stranded that way after opti by for love once many years ago. No, ai don’t want a whore. and i shouldn’t hide it, and couldn’t if i wanted to at this point. aid someone wanted to i’d never believe her. i’ve been too close too many times…. and i can’t do casual sex. no stranger sex. I want a good women who loves me and the relationship, same as always. But… i’d passed on dumping that girl ages ago, and the hookups after, and now I’m no longer good enough.

my last date sent me a message and I wish I could send you the screenshot. she says what i’ve heard all my life, but bluntly, and to the point. women i’ve shown it to either agree and are like “what? and? she’s right. kill yourself. i would”. or encourage me to ignored her and be patient…the latter group being 100 % married or 1,000 miles away.

i just think boys should be told this freshman year of high school. so that they’re aware how pivotal the decisions they would make are. they’ve got a few years to sleep with someone, or nobody ever would (it’s not a movie) and they’d eventually die by suicide, and women will unsympathetically watch them die while ridiculing and humiliating them for their efforts.

Everything above is fact, and can be cooperated by hundreds of people, including dozens of women armed with an apology. In the last month alone, thanks to online dating…. I have been told to kill myself 84 times. i’d just screw one and be done with it… but if I HAVE to hide that.. i don’t want the nasty ole trick anyway.

here’s a link to that message. no, it’s not unusual. it’s standard:
https://m.facebook.com/john.bellbobbitt/posts/pcb.10222762039414272/?photo_id=10222762036654203&mds=%2Fphotos%2Fviewer%2F%3Fphotoset_token%3Dpcb.10222762039414272%26photo%3D10222762036654203%26profileid%3D1073587213%26paipv%3D0%26source%3D49%26refid%3D17%26_ft_%3Dmf_story_key.10222762039414272%253Atop_level_post_id.10222762039414272%253Atl_objid.10222762039414272%253Acontent_owner_id_new.1073587213%253Athrowback_story_fbid.10222762039414272%253Aphoto_attachments_list.%5B10222762036654203%252C10222762036974211%5D%253Astory_location.4%253Astory_attachment_style.album%253Athid.1073587213%253A306061129499414%253A2%253A0%253A1619852399%253A5635850713290300729%26__tn__%3DEH-R%26cached_data%3Dfalse%26ftid%3D&mdp=1&mdf=1

It’s more practical, methinks, 4 more of us than. . . .

I hear you. Good points. I certainly don’t walk on water myself and have failed many times in the areas you described in the book you read and elsewhere. I don’t think I’m quick to judge or call anyone sinful–that’s not my job. But as a teacher, I’m am trying to understand how to be holy in all areas (it’s a snail-like process for me) and teach others a way of life in the Kingdom of God. The list you mentioned like greed, lack of hospitality, and a general “lack of concern” are all sins–sins we don’t talk about much in the Western Church, sadly. I don’t know what else to call them? Is this term “sin” passe? Is it simply unhelpful? Should we be using euphemisms? I don’t know. But I believe the Bible teaches they are sins, or areas where we need mercy and grace. The only reason why I’m trying to get to nail down God’s standard is because how can we give grace to our women (and men) who struggle with sexual sin if we don’t know why we’re giving them grace? We offer grace because they did or didn’t do what? It’s like offering forgiveness without someone knowing what they’re forgive from. Shouldn’t we know what we should be doing? Am I making sense? This goes for all the areas in which Christians struggle.

I just read a book on what the bible says about household economy. It explored the biblical teaching on hospitality (opening our homes), work and leisure (sabbath-centered living), consumption, sustainability, giving, savings and investments, and debt. It was incredibly convicting. It reminded me that Christians (myself included) are disobedient to the word of God every day without even thinking about it. Why are we so quick to call a person sinful if they have sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend, but NEVER call me to account for where my money is invested or how I open my home to others? It’s as if the household purity codes are optional, but the sexual ones are compulsory. I’m not suggesting we all get a free pass to live any way we want. We should be continually called to God’s standard, but can you see how unfair it is to load young people (especially women) with enormous guilt about their lack of purity, but let old men like me do whatever we want with our homes and money.

Thanks for the clarification. I meant “married couples.” My bad. I agree, some people might have been sexually abused and can’t marry as a virgin and I definitely wouldn’t want to label them as disobedient. But what about the people who have chosen to engage in sex before marriage? Aren’t they disobedient? I don’t come in hear pounding a purity flag on anyone, but I’m trying understand how God’s best for sex. According to the Bible, isn’t sex outside of marriage a sin? I think we could hold a healthy debate whether it’s a small sin, big sin, or the just another sin, but doesn’t it miss God’s mark?

Thank you for telling me that.

“Marriage couples” is an awkward expression. Committed partners covers it pretty well, I think. As to whether it’s “admirable” or “obedient” to remain a virgin until marriage, I see those terms as being very similar. Not the same, I acknowledge. But I was getting at the same thing. I think the Christian standard is to marry as virgins, but many can’t (for a variety of reasons – some of their choosing, some not) and I wouldn’t want to label them as “disobedient”. Gods grace abounds, as should ours.