In this series of posts we’ve been looking at “broken men” – fragile souls, charlatans, jerks and screw-ups who were used by God nonetheless to bring great hope and healing to the world.

So far we’ve looked at men who were affected by overbearing fathers, childhood sexual assault, alcohol abuse, gambling addictions, drug use, and possible mental illness. And yet all of them were used by God to launch remarkable movements for his glory.

In this entry we will look at the sweetest soul in our series, the frail and ardent young diarist, David Brainerd.

There’s not much to Brainerd’s life. He died from tuberculosis on 9 October 1747, at the age of 29, having suffered from symptoms of the disease for close to a decade. The effects of the illness, coupled with an intensely introspective personality, as well as periods of great loneliness, resulted in sometimes immobilizing bouts of depression. There were dozens of occasions when he longed to die and be free of his suffering.

Brainerd is most famous for his journal, a painfully honest and heartfelt account of his travails and his overwhelming desire to serve God and preach the gospel. And it’s this, the inner life of the earnest young man that would change history.

In it he describes his brief tenure as a pastor to a church on Long Island, and his grueling missionary travels among Native Americans in New York and New Jersey, all the while battling crippling depression and illness.

But mostly he bares his soul.

His stirring passion for the conversion of the Housatonic and Delaware Indians, and his devout love of God leach from every page:

“All my desire was the conversion of the heathen, and all my hope was in God.”

But it’s his brutal honesty that is so affecting.

“The whole world appears to me like a huge vacuum, a vast empty space, whence nothing desirable, or at least satisfactory, can possibly be derived; and I long daily to die more and more to it; even though I obtain not that comfort from spiritual things which I earnestly desire.”


The kid was intense.

It’s hard to know how many people would have been interested in the journal of an ailing young missionary preacher in the mid 18th Century. The Great Awakening was in full swing and Americans were embracing a new-found muscular form of Christian enthusiasm, as preached by the British evangelist George Whitfield on his triumphant campaigns up and down the east coast.

Maybe people needed a hero, a mascot for the kind of deeply held, heartfelt faith that led someone to cower before an angry God, and be willing to suffer anything for that God’s glory.

The Calvinist preacher, Jonathan Edwards seemed to think so. Edwards had taken the dying Brainerd into his home to be cared for by his 17-year-old daughter, Jerusha, and his death deeply affected the older man.

After reading Brainerd’s journal, Edwards immediately dropped the anti-Arminian book he was writing and set about compiling what would become one of the most influential books of the 18th Century, An Account of the Life of the Late Reverend Mr. David Brainerd.

Edwards edited out a lot of Brainerd’s references to his depression, his flagging faith, and his desire to die. He majored more on Brainerd’s theology and his missionary zeal.  I’m not suggesting anything untoward here. Edwards wanted to focus on Brainerd’s intense faith in order to inspire others.

And it worked. I can’t overstate how incredibly influential this book became. It was one of the instigators of the whole modern missions movement of the 19th Century, and affected such missionaries as Henry Martyn, William Carey, Adoniram Judson, and Jim Eliot.

You know all those adventurous stories of rugged, courageous missionaries climbing mountains and slashing their way through jungles to preach the gospel? Well, amazingly, many of them were inspired to do all that by a sickly, depressed, lonely cleric who didn’t travel more than a few hundred miles from where he grew up.


As Brainerd lay dying, agonizing over whether he’d done enough, conscious of the great limitations placed upon him, and desiring even deeper communion with God, he would have had no way of knowing that his host was going to turn him into such a remarkably influential figure.

He once wrote, “I long to be as a flame of fire, continually glowing in the Divine service, and building up Christ’s kingdom, to my last, my dying moment.”

And yet, thanks to Edwards, his flame burnt brightest after his dying moment. In death Jonathan Edwards turned David Brainerd into the poster child for classic evangelicalism.

John Piper wrote of him, “Brainerd’s life is a vivid, powerful testimony to the truth that God can and does use weak, sick, discouraged, beat-down, lonely, struggling saints, who cry to him day and night, to accomplish amazing things for his glory.”

Amen to that.

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